


We're Burning Flowers (Blooming In the Fall)

by Cas_203



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxious!Harry Styles, Coming Out, Don't worry, Eating Disorder (Mentioned), Fluff, Frustrated!Louis, Guys I feel like such a rebel writing gay fanfiction when my parents are homophobic, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Hurt Harry Styles, Hurt/Comfort, I'm being so brave wow this is so freeing, IT DOESN'T HAPPEN, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Larry Stylinson Could Be Real, Louis Tomlinson Calls Harry Styles Pet Names, Louis Tomlinson Is Badass, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, M/M, Mistaken Homophobia, Modest! Management, Nor Does It Nearly Happen, Please Read The Tags For Your Own Safety, Rape (mentioned), Referenced Zayn Malik, So is Harry Styles, Tears, The X Factor, Their Love Is So, closeting, hurt Louis Tomlinson, scandals, ummm - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 22:31:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12094857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cas_203/pseuds/Cas_203
Summary: It was cemented, it was closeted, it was burnt. Never, though, was it erased.Or, Louis and Harry try their best to not be torn apart by management.





	We're Burning Flowers (Blooming In the Fall)

It starts off with a chance meeting in the bathroom and a thought of _'God, he's endearing,'_ from an eighteen year old, and a ' _He's hot- I find a boy hot?'_ from a sixteen year old, while it settles in a show where, in some cruel twist of fate, the man who would tear them apart put them together by going with his heart.

It blossoms in the first few weeks of their fight for their dreams. While, amongst midnight cuddles and soft hair ruffles, it gets acknowledged with a conversation full of stuttering and blushing; getting made real in the same moment as well.

_'Hey, Louis?' Harry's voice startles the older boy as he sits scrolling through Twitter on his phone, and he peers through the darkness in the room to look at him._

_'Everything alright, Haz? Why aren't you asleep? Nervous for tomorrow?' Tomorrow. When they would find out whether or not they won this thing and whether or not they would achieve their dreams. Louis would have understood if that had triggered the younger boys' hidden anxiety and, ergo, is slightly surprised to see him shake his head in a 'no'._

_'I think I'm- I think I'm bisexual.' Louis just raises an eyebrow._

_'I mean, like, I- I don't think, I know. That I'm. You know. Bisexual'_

_'Alright, Hazza.' And, okay. Harry didn't really expect Louis to mind, since he'd already told the boys that he was a gay a few weeks into the competition, but he did expect a bit more if of a reaction, though._

_'But...Alright?'_

_'Yes, alright. What'd you expect me to say?' Louis's voice sounds softer now- with a hint of a laugh in it. It sounds like velvet slipping around a gold bar._

_'But... I like you.' The whole point of Harry telling Louis comes out then, and Harry's terrified of his reaction._

_Louis surprises him in the most pleasant way imaginable._

_'I, uh, like you, too... A lot.'_

It gets seen by three other boys who are one of the only people who know for sure and gets closeted when they come third and are called into a meeting of a thousand doubts and one fact.

_'If it's about us, we won't, like, let them stop it, will we?' His heart stutters at the thought, and the small, meek smile the other boy gives him scares home even more ._

_'Of course not, Haz. Never.'_

It gets doubted when they're told that their love is basically a toxin to their careers and it gets cemented when they go home, kiss, and say that they don't care about what others think.

_'They had no right, Louis! Our love isn't- it isn't poison. It's never been! Our love is like- it's like raindrops on fur coats and hot chocolate with cinnamon on midnight at Christmas and cuddles before bed and talking about ev-' His words are swallowed when another pair of soft, smooth lips meet his bloody, chapped ones, and when their foreheads touch he realises that he's said they're in love for the first time._

_'Shhh, shh. I know, love. I know, and you know, and that can be enough.'_

It gets tested when an arsenal of older women is pulled onto one and a complicated beard pulled onto the other, and it still stays when they're contract forces them to always sit apart despite already being joined together.

_'You can't bloody well do that, you fu-'_

_'Hey, hey. 'S alright, Lou. We can fool them, but if we fight them? Then we're not bringing ourselves down, but the rest of the boys as well.' His voice is a quite whisper in the nineteen-year-old's ear._

_'I don't give a fuck about the new ways they'll tarnish our reputation, or the boys', all I care about is us- you and me.' He spits the words out like fire._

_His boy just looks at him a minute, then grabs his hand and says, 'You don't mean that.'_

_Silence, and a glance to the single representative across the table (siting there thumbing through the contract as if he isn't slowly bleeding these two boys out)._

_'I don't.'_

It gets burnt the first time after nail polish and headscarves and blouses are given the buzzers as if they weren't normal things that a boy would use (which they weren't, but who cares about normal these days?), as if they were tools to get attention. It gets burnt when a friend asks an innocent question that gets thoroughly mistaken.

_'You're still- you're still gonna use that?' His voice is nothing but inquisitive, but Louis still turns his heads sharply to where Harry is pushing his hair under a scarf._

_'Yeah, why?' Harry's distracted, making sure his nails don't touch the fabric, and he's not thinking much of the question._

_'Management said not to.'_

_'Fuck management, Niall. No one said anything when you procrastinated getting your braces 'cause you didn't want to, we supported you.' Louis' voice is sharp, hot, and edging on the end of a cliff._

_' I never said I wouldn't support-'_

_'Okay! Niall, mate, I'm alright. Go wake up Liam or something, please. Louis, back off.' Harry's stood up now, his hair behind that pretty scarf and his nails a solemn black._

_'Right, you can apologise when you've come to your senses, Louis,' Harry isn't surprised at the forced happiness in Niall's voice as he brushes past Louis on the way out._

_'I've got nothing to apologise for.' Louis turned to the door and splayed his arms, but Niall was already gone._

_'What are you doing, Louis?' The tone of Harry's voice seems more incredulous or exasperated then mad._

_' I didn't do anything! He was giving you shit and-'_

_'He wasn't, though, Louis! He was just worried about what management would say,'_

_And this isn't the first fight they've had, but there's a hint of something different here. Maybe it's because Harry is eighteen instead of sixteen and Louis remembers just how insecure he was and wants to protect him, maybe it's because Louis is twenty instead of eighteen and Harry doesn't understand why he's changed so much._

_'Why do you always see the good in people, Harry?' And now, instead of shouting, Louis whispers the words, and Harry wonders if he's already jaded._

_'Why do you always see the bad?'_

It gets broken near the ceiling-to-floor windows of a hotel, the sun setting just as slowly as one's hand cards through long, brown hair and one noses into the others neck. It gets broken despite being indestructible, so maybe it doesn't get broken and is merely locked away in a place where closet doors are all they can see.

_'What did they say?' Louis says the words softly, aware that all their label does when one of them is called in to a meeting is slowly inject more darkness into their lives. And this time, they'd called in his boy._

_See, it has always been Louis who they'd called in on solo meetings regarding...anything and everything. Louis, maybe because they thought they'd done enough by causing anxiety to one boy, self-image issues to another, eating problems to one, and an overwhelming need for control to another. Maybe because they thought that watching his brothers and his love dwindle before his eyes wasn't enough poison._

_So the fact that management called Harry in solo? It makes him nervous (maybe not more so then fact that Harry has barely said a word since he got back)._

_'I- I can't- they want us- oh, god, I can't do this.' Harry sits up swiftly, letting his hand come up to muffle his suddenly erratic breathing, turning his head so that Louis doesn't see the crystal tears in his eyes. His other hand leaves it's place around Louis's waist, clutching the sheets instead._

_Oh, God. This is bad. Bad, bad, so fucking bad._

_Louis sits up, pushing the blanket onto the floor and unclenching his boy's hand. And he isn't panicking because he doesn't know how to handle this, because this is normal; he knows what to do. He's panicking because this was normal three years ago, when Harry used to get panic attacks more often and performing was so, so new._

_'Harry, Haz, darling. Here, deep breaths, yeah? Just focus on me. We're doing this together.' He scrambles to grab Harry's hand, places it right above his heart and let's him rest his head on his shoulder as they both take loud breaths in the silent room, Harry because he feels like he's drowning and Louis because he can't bear to let that happen._

_'They- They want us to break it off; all this. Us. You and I. Larry Stylinson.' Once Harry's breathing calms slightly, he starts talking (not moving his head from Louis's shoulder)._

_'They've always wanted that, Love, and we've always fought. What's different no-' his voice gets cut off so quickly that he realises, even before the words are fully out of his boyfriend's mouth, whatever management said might be just a bit bigger than them._

_'What's different is that they said- they said if anyone from our team even gets a whiff that we're still together, they're not gonna renew our contract.' He lets the words come out in a rush, and Louis places a hand on his back to calm him._

_'So we don't renew the contract. The boys, they've suggested we come out, themselves.' Louis is scared, yes, but he knows that he'll be willing to sacrifice his career for love._

_'No, Lou, you don't understand. What's different is that they said that they'll ruin our image- and they have the rights to, I checked- by publishing articles and such and- and, Louis, it's so bad. They have scams like rape and cheating and abuse lined up, and it's so, so bad.' He's crying now, sobbing through the whispered words. Because even if he doesn't want to admit it? He knows that this is it- both of them do now. Nonetheless, Louis still has to try._

_'Harry, darling, shh. We can- we can find a way.' And even though Louis knows it was bad, he isn't prepared for the next words._

_'We could go to jail.' His words are still whispered, as if speaking louder would shatter them, somehow._

_'What? How? That isn't-'_

_'They had lawyers and everything, and there's this clause in our contract that says our record label has the right to veto anything...detrimental to our career. Including girlfriends, friends and- and homosexuality.'_

_No one says anything. But then-_

_'I'm scared, Lou. I love you, so, so much. Too much for this to not- to not.'_

_'I love you more, Haz. You know that. But- but being happy and safe is better, yeah? Then being in jail?' He shuts his eyes at the betrayal reflected in his boyfriend's._

_'I can't- what d'you mean? I can't be happy without you.' He means to pull away, but Louis holds him still with his hands._

_'Haz, baby, I know- neither can I. But- but we need to be safe. Both mentally and physically, and having these kind of scandals, having the whole band be teared apart by our love? It isn't fair.' Louis is contradicting words he said just a minute ago, but whatever he's saying? He knows it's true._

_'And I know, sweetheart, I know that being apart isn't fair either- I know I used to always say that we shouldn't give a flying fuck what other people thought but... Baby, we could have lawsuits. You said we could go to jail.' Harry is sobbing and Louis is crying and it's a mess, but it's a beautifully heart-wrenching sight._

_'So, what? We- we stop? Being together?' Harry's eyes are rimmed red as he looks at Louis, his lips bitten raw from his fear and his face stained with tear tracks, but Louis knows that he'll always remember how beautiful, how ethereal he looked in that moment._

_'Tomorrow. Tomorrow, because we deserve tonight.' His voice shakes and his lips shake as they smile and his body shakes as he kisses his boy on his forehead, lying back down and holding him close (pretending the world is a movie and they're characters with an inevitable happy ending even when he knows they're not)._

_'You said- you said you and I knowing our love was enough.' He murmurs the words into Louis's neck, voice tentative and filled with trepidation._

_Another kiss to his forehead, another shaky exhale._

_'It still is.'_

It turns perpetual the very same night, amongst memories of raindrops on fur coats and hot chocolate with cinnamon at midnight even though it wasn't Christmas and with cuddles before they fell asleep and, surprisingly, not talking about everything as their lingering kisses did that for them.

Because they weren't movie characters, these boys. They were Louis William Tomlinson and Harry Edward Styles, two boys who decided that love was worth it, despite it sometimes feeling like they were a burning cigarette dangling from bloody, patched lips; despite it sometimes feeling like there were loose rocks perched on the edge of a cliff; despite it sometimes feeling like they were particles of carbon slowly being buried under the ground and heated between rocks, because these boys?

They knew that diamonds were made from fire.

 

 

\-----------------------------

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, for reading this. Thank you for giving it a chance. To be honest, I feel like it was very therapeutic for me to write this. My parents are really homophobic, and I'm just a thirteen year old gal trying to admit to herself that being bisexual isn't bad.
> 
> To be honest, it's way more harder than I thought.
> 
> Anyways, please leave your thoughts down below. It's my first story here and I'd appreciate some love, and I wouldn't mind doing prompts either :)


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